Sunday, January 08, 2012

Road to Nowhere, by Beatriz Moreira 8ºB

 Feelings have failed me
Left me cold
On this road to nowhere
(Road to Nowhere)
Dreams are my saviors,
Save me now,
'Cause I know I'm fallin'
Farewell, I'll miss you
I'm sick of these goodbyes
'Cause it tore us apart right from the start
I miss you
I was sitting in my bedroom with our photo album on my legs. Each page was full of pain that once was happiness.
I can’t help but miss you. Miss every inch of your body, every word you could say, every hug you could give me, well, everything of you.
On the day you left you took my feelings, leaving me heartless, cold, rude…
I’m tired, lonely and I keep walking to an unknown destiny, not really caring for anything and just knowing that nothing but my dreams can save me now. The dreams that I have of being by your side again. The dreams that I would not be this affected by our goodbyes.
I’m sick of our many goodbyes. I’m sick of sitting here and watching you leave without any chances of keeping you here. I’m sick of the thoughts that I’ll never see you again. I’m sick of the tears that don’t stop falling from my eyes. I’m sick of just imagining your smile and don’t seeing it. I’m sick of many times that I try to smile but I can’t. I’m sick of not being happy. But most of all, I’m sick of me.
You were the only one that could make me feel wanted and important. Now I just feel like a piece of trash.
Now, everything is black and white. The world doesn’t seem to have colour anymore without you here. One day seems like years. Time seems to pass very slowly now.
Every morning I look at the end of the road, hoping that I’ll see you coming back, with your bags at your back, with that smile you said you’d have in your return.
Fool. I believed that you’d come back and I still do, but I just wish that you didn’t leave, or that you didn’t fool  me and said that you’d never come back. Fool, I repeat.
I still believe because every time you’ve left, you came again. You came again to hold me in your arms and pull me to your chest, making me hear your smooth heartbeat. But this time you didn’t.
I can’t help but think that you’re not alive anymore, simply dead, and no-one cared enough to tell me. Or that you have found someone else and you don’t want to come back.
If you didn’t, you could just call me and face it. But you didn’t.
I miss you. I can’t have a normal life anymore. I wish I just could know where and how are you.
I call you every insult that exists, but still I love you more than I should. Jerk, idiot, stupid and many others.
You don’t know how I feel. That strange feeling I have in my belly when I see your smile on photos, when I remember the sound of your voice, even when I imagine you.
Your smile, the sparkle of your yes, your voice, your laughter, your sense of humor, your everything! It’s perfect, and I miss it. You were everything I dreamed in a man, and now you’re gone.
Do you still love me the way I do? I don’t know, but I don’t dare to ask, afraid of the answer, afraid of the rejection.
Unfortunately, my love for you is way too much. Why the ‘Unfortunately’? ‘Cause it’s painful  not to have the person I love here.
It’s just, too much pain for only one person.
I was lost on my thoughts as the only tears that were left on my system rolled down my cheeks. I laid down on my bed looking at the ceiling, watching things turning out black as I lost consciousness.
In some minutes I was in a garden. The sky was blue, the clouds were white, the trees were green and there were no sights of humans. Nothing was humanized, no benches, no paths, just nature.
I kept walking, looking around until I saw a little, white house. I decided that I should investigate it.
As I got closer I noticed that it wasn’t little at all.
I opened the door and started looking around. It had two floors. Downstairs there was  a living room with red walls and black couches; a huge black and white kitchen and a dining room whose walls were painted, each one with a different colour, just as I always wanted. There were three bedrooms upstairs, with a bathroom for everyone. The house of my dreams.
I went to one room and jumped to the bed. I felt… I don’t know… in peace… I wasn’t sad or angry, just in peace.
“Lilly?” I heard a familiar voice coming from downstairs and I immediately woke up from my trance. In a hasty move I got up and ran to see if I was really hearing his voice.
“J-James?” I said as I saw the tall man, in a black leather jacket and black jeans in front of the door. I started to cry, but this timeit was tears of happiness. I almost flew downstairs, hugging him, to make sure that he was here. “Y-You’re r-really here?”
“Well… unfortunately, yes…”
“U-Unfortunately? You didn’t want to be with me?”
“No! That’s not that darling… Of course I want to be with you, but not…”
“Not what?”
“…Not dead…”
“Dead? What are you talking about?” and then all around me started to fade away.
“Remember, I love you Lilly! Don’t wait for me…”
“Are you dead?”And then I woke up as the doorbell rang.
I got up and slowly went downstairs.  I opened the door. And saw a man that looked exactly like the one on my previous dream.
“James!” I said as I jumped to his neck. “I missed you baby!”
“I missed you too my love.” And I smiled, for the first time in two years.